Yes, the title of my post refers to the word my friend M used to describe me how I managed to breeze through life for almost three years now, on my own...as I was reading the comments here I came across her message and yes, this is the only time that word strucked me...I guess, during the time when she wrote it I was not really feeling pretty then, yeah I survived it but hey, talk about low self-esteem and confidence was all that is showing on my face then....and after more than 2years, I agree I became a pretty survivor *blushing*:)...and a lot has changed since then and people are noticing the difference lately, thank heavens it's over....but of course, not totally, for I know in time I'll be dealing with them again to legalize everything...but for the meantime, still enjoying life as it is.

I also noticed this blog was put on hold for quite a long time and it's time to squeeze out some of my thoughts lately....

Let's talk about my spiritual journey....this journey helped me so much in becoming the survivor that I am today and taught me to appreciate life more and the people who fought with me in battle.....I've learned that it's not easy to let go of bitterness....it's never easy even if people will say you can do it and just move on...I guess, those people who easily adviced these are most of the times hasn't experienced the same or almost the exact pain I went through....it's not the person anymore, it's about the wrong that they have done to you and feelings are no longer an issue....I became a warrior, trying to stand up in middle of battle scorned and bloodily bruised, holding on to one thing that I know will shield me from any more blows...and that is my Faith....I fell a couple of times during the recovery period....been distracted too by many factors that tested my beliefs and principles.....and I realized I am a woman in progress....a woman, who amidst the trials and failures still managed to become the person that I am today....still trying to do what is right, sacrificing the one thing that makes her happy....holding on to her little Bible that makes her constant companion in times of confusion.....I know I am still weak and confused.....still trying to understand why things happens to some people and struggling to be a better Christian....this is one journey that I know has no end....for finding spiritual growth is a lifetime to achieve, it takes time for one to mature spiritually....and the good thing about this journey is the Faith and committment that goes along with it...the promise of a lifetime bonding with God....and that what makes life complete :)

Below are the different looks of my cutey Bible :)

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*This is an article a friend shared to me that moved me and I wanna share this to you too*


Forgive, Forget...Move On


At some point in our lives, we have experienced hurt caused by someone dear to us. Although some have found a way to forgive but many of us are still trapped in brokenness and forgiveness seems to be their last resort; let alone cursing and wanting evil to happen to those people who have caused the hurting.

Stop living in brokenness...

Allow yourself to live a life of fullness and happiness. We may think that if we forgive them, it will only let them know that what they have done is acceptable and we don't hold them guilty anymore. Also, if we have forgiven them, they may see no wrong in what they did and continue hurting us.Some may see this true but this is a false thinking.

Yeah, I know it is never easy. It's easier said than done. It's hard to let go and move on with your life. But it's even harder to forgive, forget what happened and again, move on with your life..

We all have tried to forgive but at times we let our anger dictate our willingness to forgive. Forgiving someone does not mean that you avoid or repress your feelings. On the contrary, it’s important that you acknowledge your pain and loss so that you can express your feelings, get them out into the light of day, and let them run a natural, healing course.Certainly others are to blame for their mistakes, but they are not to blame for our feelings. To forgive is to release another from being responsible for how we feel. By finding forgiveness, we are then free to let go of our pain. We may not forgive them now, but eventually, when the anger is gone, we will. However, that day will never come until we deal with ourselves first.

Better choose to live a happy life and not hate. When you choose not to forgive, you'll be overwhelmed by your negative emotions and you can't do anything about that state of emotion.Not only will you harbor resentment and bitterness, but your health will also be greatly affected. Why allow yourself to suffer these consequences when you deserve to live a more fulfilling and happier life after what you had gone through or are still going through?

Realizing that forgiveness is our own personal journey, we release expectations that others will respond to our deeds, even though each person’s healing has positive rippling effects.We don’t hold back. We gently swathe our pain with love. We allow thoughts and feelings to arise into awareness where they are recognized and permitted to pass on through.

When you forgive, you open a door that wasn't open before. This leads to a field of possibilities for a new kind of relationship with everyone. The healing of your hurts will take place and set you free from your emotional brokenness. This will lead you to a path of emotional freedom and receive untold peace and happiness.

"A winner reprimands and forgives; a loser is too timid to reprimand and too petty to forgive."

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It's been so long since my last post in this site....I've been very busy with work and enjoying every minute of life that God gave me. I'm so blessed co'z I'm surrounded with family and friends who continue to give meaning to my life. Met a lof of new and interesting people, travelled to different places and reconnected with relatives and old friends. Life is such a blessing....and I'm back with a lot of experiences and pictures to share :)

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I don't want to deal with the thought that the year 2007 was a very bad year for me. I prefer thinking that the past year was a challenging year not only for me but for my whole family. The blessings I received this year was overshadowed by the hurts and pains I felt for months. The passing of my father created more pain, feeling of loss and uncertainties in life whether to finally give up or move on. Everything is surreal, I feel like giving up....I feel that life is treating me so unfairly...I feel like everything conspired to make me feel miserable and endure so much pain. It made me question the Higher Power, letting him know I don't deserve this for I constantly keeping my faith and abide his rules. But it's wrong, I know it's wrong...that is this is just one moment in my life where I questioned Him which I should'nt have done in the first place. I even dared to asked Him to take me instead of my father, for the pain is too much and I'd rather die than continue to taste the bitterness of pain. An hour before the year ends, I locked myself in our room and prayed the rosary amidst the sounds of firecrakers, cheering of people outside and loud music....tears kept rolling down my cheeks as I say the Hail Marys...a simple cry turned into sobbing tears as my fingers jump from one rosary bead into another...I never prayed this hard in my life...asking God to bless my father's soul and comfort him to His Kingdom and laid him to a peaceful rest. I also talked to my father, letting him know how I love him and told him all my regrets and assuring him that I will try to be more strong and independent now that he's gone. I also asked Him, the blessing of Forgiveness...forgiveness to the one person I loved the most...the one person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with....it's very hard to forget the cause of the pain...to move on...I still don't know how to move on....how to overcome everything I've lost in 2007. I'm just trying to hide this from everyone...every smile...every laughter...behind that is a lonely spirit...a lonely soul...I feel like part of me had died with my father...I feel like a lost soul wandering in space and doesn't know where to go, can't tell if I can see the light again...I come to realize that in times of great sorrow...no words or hugs can heal a wounded soul.
But the never ending support and love of those people who read this blog made me feel I'm still alive...there's still hope...For in every uttered prayers by people who keeps on lifting me up sends a special message from God that everything will be alright...that tears will stop...the pain will be gone...that I will no longer be a lost soul for I will see the light in due time...that love and forgiveness will grow within me...that I will be whole again...completed with God's love and miracles. This year I know God has a special plan for me...bearing this on my mind....hoping and praying this year is special and the year that was...was just a year I had to pass.

To God be the Glory!

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Today marks my first month in this City...nothing much, just seen a few sights here and there and spend most of my time at home busying myself with a lot of stuffs. Then finally was able to make this blogsite running for you guys to read and update all of you what's been happening to me here. Sorry! still no attempt of being suicidal if that's what you're thinking...it's just not me...totally out of my core...kahit ilang beses pa siguro madurog ang puso ko there's no way I'll do that....but it's hard....I'm having a hard time moving on...I know...I know...I should stick to my stubborn mind na I HAVE TO MOVE ON...eto na nga I took the first step...actually nde nga lang steps eh...I fly away! miles away to move on....hope healing will take place soon...

hayyy! One month away from home....I miss pinas really...the smogs...the traffic...ingay ng tao at sasakyan...it's just too quiet in here, I mean in this neighborhood there are times ako lang mag-isa naglalakad sa daan while I'm walking the dogs. Iba sa pinas, maingay kse siguro sanay lang ako sa maingay na environment. Kaya I love it whenever we go to Manhattan, dun kse normal, dami tao, traffic, dami shops everything you need andun and New Yorkers esp in this part of the city eh stylish sila magdamit, you can really tell they work here though there are some naman na parang nakapambahay lang jogging pants and all :P...I'm taking my time to explore this city since I have five months to go to figure out what's my next move and plan my life whether to stay here for good or be back in manila. Honestly, I'm really scared, scared what's for me here...if there's any what is it? I miss pinas...but there are a lot of things I don't want to see there co'z of the pain...but I miss my family...my friends. Life isn't really fair.

Anyway, on a happy note...wish me a One Monthsary in the Big Apple and here's for more subway trips, bus rides, walking the dogs, reading books and soon busying myself in a workplace...God is always good :)

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