Yes, the title of my post refers to the word my friend M used to describe me how I managed to breeze through life for almost three years now, on my own...as I was reading the comments here I came across her message and yes, this is the only time that word strucked me...I guess, during the time when she wrote it I was not really feeling pretty then, yeah I survived it but hey, talk about low self-esteem and confidence was all that is showing on my face then....and after more than 2years, I agree I became a pretty survivor *blushing*:)...and a lot has changed since then and people are noticing the difference lately, thank heavens it's over....but of course, not totally, for I know in time I'll be dealing with them again to legalize everything...but for the meantime, still enjoying life as it is.

I also noticed this blog was put on hold for quite a long time and it's time to squeeze out some of my thoughts lately....

Let's talk about my spiritual journey....this journey helped me so much in becoming the survivor that I am today and taught me to appreciate life more and the people who fought with me in battle.....I've learned that it's not easy to let go of bitterness....it's never easy even if people will say you can do it and just move on...I guess, those people who easily adviced these are most of the times hasn't experienced the same or almost the exact pain I went through....it's not the person anymore, it's about the wrong that they have done to you and feelings are no longer an issue....I became a warrior, trying to stand up in middle of battle scorned and bloodily bruised, holding on to one thing that I know will shield me from any more blows...and that is my Faith....I fell a couple of times during the recovery period....been distracted too by many factors that tested my beliefs and principles.....and I realized I am a woman in progress....a woman, who amidst the trials and failures still managed to become the person that I am today....still trying to do what is right, sacrificing the one thing that makes her happy....holding on to her little Bible that makes her constant companion in times of confusion.....I know I am still weak and confused.....still trying to understand why things happens to some people and struggling to be a better Christian....this is one journey that I know has no end....for finding spiritual growth is a lifetime to achieve, it takes time for one to mature spiritually....and the good thing about this journey is the Faith and committment that goes along with it...the promise of a lifetime bonding with God....and that what makes life complete :)

Below are the different looks of my cutey Bible :)

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*This is an article a friend shared to me that moved me and I wanna share this to you too*


Forgive, Forget...Move On


At some point in our lives, we have experienced hurt caused by someone dear to us. Although some have found a way to forgive but many of us are still trapped in brokenness and forgiveness seems to be their last resort; let alone cursing and wanting evil to happen to those people who have caused the hurting.

Stop living in brokenness...

Allow yourself to live a life of fullness and happiness. We may think that if we forgive them, it will only let them know that what they have done is acceptable and we don't hold them guilty anymore. Also, if we have forgiven them, they may see no wrong in what they did and continue hurting us.Some may see this true but this is a false thinking.

Yeah, I know it is never easy. It's easier said than done. It's hard to let go and move on with your life. But it's even harder to forgive, forget what happened and again, move on with your life..

We all have tried to forgive but at times we let our anger dictate our willingness to forgive. Forgiving someone does not mean that you avoid or repress your feelings. On the contrary, it’s important that you acknowledge your pain and loss so that you can express your feelings, get them out into the light of day, and let them run a natural, healing course.Certainly others are to blame for their mistakes, but they are not to blame for our feelings. To forgive is to release another from being responsible for how we feel. By finding forgiveness, we are then free to let go of our pain. We may not forgive them now, but eventually, when the anger is gone, we will. However, that day will never come until we deal with ourselves first.

Better choose to live a happy life and not hate. When you choose not to forgive, you'll be overwhelmed by your negative emotions and you can't do anything about that state of emotion.Not only will you harbor resentment and bitterness, but your health will also be greatly affected. Why allow yourself to suffer these consequences when you deserve to live a more fulfilling and happier life after what you had gone through or are still going through?

Realizing that forgiveness is our own personal journey, we release expectations that others will respond to our deeds, even though each person’s healing has positive rippling effects.We don’t hold back. We gently swathe our pain with love. We allow thoughts and feelings to arise into awareness where they are recognized and permitted to pass on through.

When you forgive, you open a door that wasn't open before. This leads to a field of possibilities for a new kind of relationship with everyone. The healing of your hurts will take place and set you free from your emotional brokenness. This will lead you to a path of emotional freedom and receive untold peace and happiness.

"A winner reprimands and forgives; a loser is too timid to reprimand and too petty to forgive."

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I'm so proud of being a pinoy because of Filipinos like Efren Penaflorida....for giving his unconditional love and support for the youth of this generation....his inspiration and encouragements to these underpriviledged kids gives them hope that they can change the world...that this country is still a better place to live in...May the Lord continue to bless him as he steadfastly do His work....Let's vote for him kababayans!:)

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Meet our home bud "Benj" a male shih tzu doggie....my Uncle who passed away 3yrs ago bought him and is now my special cousin's best friend and Lola's guard....this dog is so protective of my special child cuz and of my grandma that whenever you tried to go near my grandma whenever he's near he will try to bite you, I've been a victim of him twice already and no one dares to go near Lola whenever he's beside her....we call him "snobbish dog", he's not too friendly to non-members of the house and even is not so friendly to us either he is only afraid of my other male cousin and our housemaid....but for the rest he doesn't like being cuddled...not your typical dog right?he is really weird hehehe! But one thing is for sure he loves being photographed....so here are snapshots of him posing for me ;)

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It took me two years to update the template of my blog...First, I'm busy and had really forgotten about this "On My Own" blog that I put up for the sole purpose of sharing my travel adventures in NY and my freedom from pain...I even noticed that I made a few drafts of some stories that I failed to share during my stay there like The Pennsylvannia Trip, Halloween NY Style and My Typical Day @ Ate's Place...those were all unfinished, and I'm not that keen anymore to share that as there are far more interesting topics to post for the next coming days...Don't worry, the NY adventure doesn't have an ending yet, as there will be more blogs about that in the near future...for now I'm excited to share the new look of my blog which is so Me and it gives the readers a glimpse of my personality...I'm still in the process of fixing some glitches and adding some features, hoping that my blog will have a polished look soon....I got so addicted to Facebook that I totally forgot that I have to blog co'z writing is a good therapy to release emotions and to broaden one's understanding of the world.

Now, I'm thinking of what topic to post next.......work?vacation?friends?or my family?.....let's see and check the personal archive of my life....:)

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Me and some friends watched ASAP Show yesterday...thanks to Phang for inviting me to tag along together with my other friend Dhana. T'was a fun and memorable experience for the three of us since it's our very first time to watch the ASAP Show. I've been to the ABS-CBN Studio years back and was able to enjoy watching one full episode of "Home Boy"(morning show of Boy Abunda a few years ago) and got a chance to tour around the studio's premises courtesy of our friend Dang, who works in the said network. We're just so lucky that this sunday's show was a special tribute for Michael Jackson and the video shows how amazing OPM artists were when it comes to singing! Who would imagine we would be able to watch The Company, Zsa Zsa Padilla, Sarah Geronimo, Gary Valenciano, Charice Pempengco and Lea Salonga in one special number?! Oh well, only in ASAP!;)

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Got a new toy to start blogging again and this time it's all mine yey!:) It's an Acer Aspire One notebook laptop, so small and yet so versatile just right for the on-the-go like me. Now, I'm busy transferring my files to my new buddy, hmmm have to think of a name for this new gadget. Finally, returning to my first passion before Facebook, so brace yourself...it's time to blog, blog, blog!;)

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It's been so long since my last post in this site....I've been very busy with work and enjoying every minute of life that God gave me. I'm so blessed co'z I'm surrounded with family and friends who continue to give meaning to my life. Met a lof of new and interesting people, travelled to different places and reconnected with relatives and old friends. Life is such a blessing....and I'm back with a lot of experiences and pictures to share :)

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After the year that was post, I'm proud to share with you now what the New Year is bringing in into my life.

Right after Tatay's 40days I applied for a job in the call center industry again. The very first and only job interview I had is with HSBC (Hongkong Shanghai Banking Corp.) Electronic Data Processing Phils, it was Jan 16 and everything happened on that day....initial interview, exams and another set of in-depth interviews while waiting for the results of each evaluation process. The interviews were tedious and long that I literally ran out of words and scenarios to prove to my interviewer that I am capable of the job but good thing I passed this stage. What a relief hearing that I got the job! just an entry level post but good enough to start from scratch and learn again from there. Besides, the pay is quite high compared to other call centers and they commensurate my salary based on my years of previous experience which is a big Yehey!:P

The completion of job requirements is much more tedious than my interviews. I had to complete everything within 10days for me to be able to sign the contract and start the training. I hate lining up for Government agencies like NBI, the system still sucks and I have to go all the way to Carriedo near Quiapo Church just to request for a new NBI Clearance and the process is still slow it takes 5 days for them to release the clearance since I also changed my marital status. I also lined up for the SSS Digitized ID at their main office in East Ave., yeah, I know, I know, I should have done this years ago but hey better to be late than never. HSBC asked a lot of documents as their pre-employment requirements, they even want to see your original birth cert, marriage cert, TOR, diplomas, licenses, passports etc. As some of you knows, all my original docs I took with me when I went to NY and I left everything there for security purposes. Now, poor sis she has to send all the docs to me again via courier, thanks Ate!:). They all arrived just in time before I passed all the requirements. Ok since my requirements are all complete, the HR revised the Job offer and I signed the contract and now I'm on board January 29, 2008 for the training. The benefits and allowances are really great, some of which is of course healthcard which can be used at once even if on probation with dependents, Rice Subsidy, Meal and Transpo allowance, Hazard pay (for night shifts), night differentials, HSBC credit cards, discounts in different establishments like gyms, spas etc.

I'm having the training here at PBCom Tower in Ayala Ave. Makati for 5wks then after here our account will be based in the new office building in Commonwealth, QC which is very near our place. The first week of training is more on the "English Only Policy" of the company. It will hone our communications skills since our job will entails a lot of talking to foreign customers over the phone. Then next week the Process training of the account we'll be handling. The training is fun and good to know I'm not the only one in my age bracket :P most of us are no longer neophytes in the call center industry and there are some who are a way much older and is also "complicated" when it comes to friendster status hehehe!:P I can't wait to know what the scope of our job will be and see the actual place where we will work our butts off.

There are a lot of things I need to do while I'm here in pinas....and slowly my plans are unfolding in front of me. I still think of my "complicated" status and I need to think fast and straight of what I really want in my life. What about my ex? we no longer communicate with each other and I'm also exploring my options for revenge....legally. My silence will not be that long....I need to speak up for myself and exercise my legal rights...we'll see.

For now, just enjoying the beautiful blessings God is giving me for the start of the year and blessings of Hope that Life is still indeed beautiful and worth fighting for :)

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I don't want to deal with the thought that the year 2007 was a very bad year for me. I prefer thinking that the past year was a challenging year not only for me but for my whole family. The blessings I received this year was overshadowed by the hurts and pains I felt for months. The passing of my father created more pain, feeling of loss and uncertainties in life whether to finally give up or move on. Everything is surreal, I feel like giving up....I feel that life is treating me so unfairly...I feel like everything conspired to make me feel miserable and endure so much pain. It made me question the Higher Power, letting him know I don't deserve this for I constantly keeping my faith and abide his rules. But it's wrong, I know it's wrong...that is this is just one moment in my life where I questioned Him which I should'nt have done in the first place. I even dared to asked Him to take me instead of my father, for the pain is too much and I'd rather die than continue to taste the bitterness of pain. An hour before the year ends, I locked myself in our room and prayed the rosary amidst the sounds of firecrakers, cheering of people outside and loud music....tears kept rolling down my cheeks as I say the Hail Marys...a simple cry turned into sobbing tears as my fingers jump from one rosary bead into another...I never prayed this hard in my life...asking God to bless my father's soul and comfort him to His Kingdom and laid him to a peaceful rest. I also talked to my father, letting him know how I love him and told him all my regrets and assuring him that I will try to be more strong and independent now that he's gone. I also asked Him, the blessing of Forgiveness...forgiveness to the one person I loved the most...the one person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with....it's very hard to forget the cause of the pain...to move on...I still don't know how to move on....how to overcome everything I've lost in 2007. I'm just trying to hide this from everyone...every smile...every laughter...behind that is a lonely spirit...a lonely soul...I feel like part of me had died with my father...I feel like a lost soul wandering in space and doesn't know where to go, can't tell if I can see the light again...I come to realize that in times of great sorrow...no words or hugs can heal a wounded soul.
But the never ending support and love of those people who read this blog made me feel I'm still alive...there's still hope...For in every uttered prayers by people who keeps on lifting me up sends a special message from God that everything will be alright...that tears will stop...the pain will be gone...that I will no longer be a lost soul for I will see the light in due time...that love and forgiveness will grow within me...that I will be whole again...completed with God's love and miracles. This year I know God has a special plan for me...bearing this on my mind....hoping and praying this year is special and the year that was...was just a year I had to pass.

To God be the Glory!

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